Why We Are So Broke- Reason #152

There are many reasons why we are broke right now, the main one being we are a five-and-a-half person, one income family. However, there are a few underlying reasons why the measly funds that we do have so not stretch as far as they should.

One of those reasons revolves around our cat. Our cat is a fabulous cat, and I myself am not a cat person, but Teddy seems to be a dog stuck in a cat's body. He comes running to greet us when we come home, he does not do the stand-offish cat thing, he will sit in your lap and let you pet him whenever you want, he is basically an all around great cat. Before I retired from the world where you get lunch breaks and a paycheck, I worked at a pet store that specialized in healthy cat and dog food. I am very convinced that the food that we are feeding him is the best, this food is very digestible, meaning he eats less and it costs the same as grocery store food on a daily basis, but will keep him a lot healthier overall. This is the idea, but great ideas do not always work the way you want them to.


About a month ago, we noticed that Teddy was going through more food than usual. A LOT more food than usual. During the summer, he was banished to the great outdoors due to a massive flea problem that was not to be controlled by anything, and the kids were being eaten alive. So, we fed Teddy on the front porch. I would usually fill his bowl once a day, and it would last till the next day. Suddenly, I would fill his bowl at noon, and it would be empty by two. I could not imagine critters getting into it, since it was the middle of the day and our front door is a pretty noisy place with the kids and all, so I thought our dear cat might have worms. Promising to look into it when we returned, we left for our trip to Vegas and asked the neighbor to feed the cat. Upon our return, our nice neighbor informed us that yes, raccoons were eating the food from our front porch, and Dearest Teddy was not eating our food at all, but was dining with the neighbor's cat. We have been working on getting our cat to eat our food, and bringing it in at night to keep it from being eaten by anyone but him.


The other night, I was sitting at the computer about 8 o'clock, and our motion light went off on the porch. Curious, I got up and peeked out the window to find a raccoon on the porch, not six inches from my front door, munching happily away. I opened the door to scare him (hoping he wouldn't turn on me and attack) but by the time I got the door unlocked and open there was nothing but wet, raccooney footprints on the porch. Here I am, buying a six pound bag of cat food for $18.99 and all I am accomplishing is attracting disease-carrying meanie-headed ornery, angry, attack varmints to the area that my kids play. And if you think that raccoons are timid and run away, you are not from around here. We must breed a different kind of raccoon, raccoons that are trained by Michael Vick, I have heard numerous first-hand stories from highly reputable people about raccoons that charge unprovoked. Anyway, I called to Marty to come see, and we looked a little closer. Those raccooney prints were the same size feet as my size-seven toddler boys! That must've been a freak of raccoon nature! I had only seen his head when I peeked out the window, and he looked pretty big, but I had no idea. Now, I realize that I am attracting disease-carrying attack creatures that are probably larger than my children. Crapola, what do I do now? I want to make food readily available to my cat so he eats at our house, not the neighbor's, but he spends a lot of time outside. A cat door is out of the question, I can just imagine one of those over-sized sewer rats coming into the house. They make doors that have sensors on them so only your cat can come in, but puh-leeze, like I'm going to spend a hundred bucks on the cat when all the kids need new coats and the boys need shoes. Either the kids need to stop growing, or the raccoons need to start dining elsewhere. If you see my kids wandering around in coon-skin coats, you will know how I've solved my problem.